Back in LA

I was up north for like four days... had no access to my wireless ~ and needless to say, when I actually had a moment to blog, either my step dad was on his PC or I was busy with my nieces and nephews. However, when I had a quiet moment or two ~ I wrote. So, what follows are the ramblings I jotted on my word processor.

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CHANTIX Day 3 (Friday)
I’m in Modesto now, visiting family. Yesterday, smoked 5 ciggs (lesss than the previous day) Then again, I was on a train for 6 hours… preventing me from lighting up. I didn’t think about smoking though ~ but, of course I wanted one when I reached my destination…you know, a little reward. Yuck.

I have noticed that the cigarettes don’t taste very good… I am aware of the chemical taste more than before. I don’t know if it’s psycho-symatic or if the meds have already begun doing their job. When I do light up I don’t smoke the entire cigarette, just a few puffs because it doesn’t taste good. I’ve also noticed that I am dreaming more… or at least remembering the dreams I am having more than I normally do.
The dreams haven’t been as traumatic as they were when I quit last time using the patch. Those dreams were RIDICULOUS. They were not only frightening, but I remember not being able to decipher if I was asleep or awake when I dreamt on the patch. Thank God these haven’t been that bad. I am hoping they do not go in that direction once I increase my dosage.

Today will be interesting. My family is all working or in school, so I’ll be on my own. Thinking of laying by the pool and taking a day to relax. Hopefully the smoking urges will not take me over out of boredom.


Later… Day 3

Well… today was actually a great day. After taking my little magic pill, I went for a run over to my aunt’s pool. I lounged by the pool for about an hour. When my aunt got home (fellow smoker) I had a cigg with her. I didn’t finish the entire thing because it just didn’t taste good. Tonight I went to dinner with an old friend ~ who used to smoke and, that was sorta our thing when we’d go out … cocktails, cigarettes, and girl talk. Mix in the fact that this town is WAY too small (I ran into a crazy ex ~ yeah) … Soooo, Tonight I totally blew it. Didn’t count how many I smoked, but it was probably 8 or 9. Ewww



CHANITX Day 4 (Saturday)
Woke up this morning feeling good (despite the nasty smell emitting from my smoke ridden hair). I had a hair appointment this morning. My usual morning cigarette did not even cross my mind. Well… I take that back, I am sure it crossed my mind ~ but, I was driving grandma’s car, so I knew I couldn’t smoke while driving to my appointment anyway. I had one cigarette sitting on the console of the car ALL day ~ and, even though I looked at it and thought about lighting it up… I wasn’t dying to smoke, so I didn’t.

Later tonight, my brother and his wife came over for dinner (both smokers). After eating I ALWAYS want a smoke… probably more than any other time. So I smoked with them out on the porch. But, again, it just wasn’t very gratifying. I think this is going to work and I am sooooo inspired and excited about it! Total smoked today… 2




CHANTIX Day 5 (Sunday)
I smoked the last cigarette in my pack last night with my brother and sister-in-law. I do not plan to buy another pack. I only have two days until my quit day and so far the cravings haven’t been that bad. I spent the day with my seven year old niece. We went on a long drive to visit a friend of mine and had a lot of time to talk. So, I talked with her about smoking. Her mom and dad both smoke and she has seen me smoke the last two years (her birth inspired me to quit the first time… never wanted her to see me smoke). Anyway, we had a serious discussion about how terrible smoking is and I hope and pray she never picks up the habit. I know statistically, when one’s parents smoke, they’re more likely to pick up the habit. Both my parents smoked when I was a kid and I HATED it. Cried to my mom wanting her to quit ~ and she did, when I was 5. But, even though I hated it as a kid… I still ended up smoking. I really hope that I can influence my niece to NEVER light up.

Went the entire day without having a smoke and really no severe cravings either, Yippee! Tonight I went over to visit with my dad and I ended up smoking two cigarettes with him. I knew that I would probably smoke with my dad. I’m not even certain that I was dying for one. I think I use smoking with my pops as a sort of bonding mechanism. Coffee, cigarettes, and daddy. I talked to him about Chantix though. He didn’t show much interest and I wasn’t going to preach to him about it.
Today ~ 2 cigarettes smoked.


CHANTIX Day 6 (Monday)
Tomorrow will be the last day that I smoke EVER. That is, if I bum one from a neighbor or something, once I get back to LA. Because, I have not bought a pack the last few days and I wont buy another. I got up this morning and had my morning coffee and I am just really amazed that I haven’t been craving a smoke with my coffee. I LOVED that … breakfast of champions, eh?
I went for a run after my morning coffee. Was out for about 45minutes. It felt really good. I am SOOOOOO not a runner. But, I am looking forward to becoming better and better at it the cleaner my lungs become.
I indulged in an hour long facial this afternoon, which was awesome. I actually fell asleep. I do think the meds make me a little sleepy. I am NOT a napper, even living my life pretty much with constant jet-lag, I just don’t nap. But, the last few days, I could nap at the drop of a hat. I have also noticed that I am a little irritable. Not terribly, but I’ve spent the last few days with my two nieces and nephew (two of them pre-schoolers) and I have noticed myself not having as much patience as I normally do. It’s not a “side-effect” per se. But, expected when quitting smoking, I suppose.
Tonight I went to dinner with my dad. Again, I smoked 1 before dinner and 1 after. Already I feel guilty and I haven’t even hit my quit day. I will try not to be so hard on myself. I am actually doing pretty good, I think! If I want a smoke tomorrow… it’s my last chance ~ so, I wont beat myself up.