Thursday, March 6, 2008

New Thread

Just started a new thread that focuses a little more on my life AFTER quitting smoking. I guess I no longer battle the struggle with cigarettes ~ so, I am ready to talk about other things :)

MANY thanks for your comments and support (Maggie, Nick) ~ I seriously relied on your encouragement and holding me accountable. I hope all of you are still successfully NOT smoking...

Life is good


Sunday, December 16, 2007


Last night I went to a friend of a friend's 30th birthday party. To celebrate we were all asked to come in apparel ~ flashback ~ 1977. Hollywood hills, open bar, DJ, and disco ball... we danced, drank and had a great time. About 3 vodka tonics into my night... I decided I would probably smoke ~ and I felt OK with it. I had (somewhat) decided that the night was going to be a night of debauchery, one in which smoking would likely be a part of. One last 2007 "hoo-rah" ...
I found myself outside a number of times... watching my fellow smokers as they gathered around the fire pit or huddled near the heating lamps ~ sucking on their Parliments. I watched them with jealousy. Because, although I had decided that I would be joining them a few moments earlier, I just couldn't bring myself to do so.
And, do not be mistaken... I wanted to. I was taking it all in ~ the smell, the way they all looked, the social-connectedness between them. The fabulously thin, pretty, young Hollywood types ~ all playing the part of 1970's - Studio 54- disco queens, to a Tee.
I wanted to join in on their presumable ignorance... but, I couldn't. I just couldn't make the move. I could not, for some reason, bring myself to ask for one. WIERD!
I woke up this am (head-achey, puffy, and dehydrated) and was soooooooooooooo thankful that I was not tasting the reminents of a Parliment light on my breath! WHEW!
Not sure what exactly kept me from caving in... especially since I had given myself permission to do so. But I am really happy that I didn't!

1970's Cigarette ad... sheeeez!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Monday, December 10, 2007

14 Weeks, Seriously?

Wow... time flies.
I cannot believe that it has been 14 weeks since I last smoked! My struggle still continues to come and go. I cant say that I CRAVE smoking, as I once did, however... I still think about it. In fact, on occasion (recently) I have thought about it more and more... thoughts like "just one wouldn't hurt", "who would know if I slipped... Im in Iceland for God's sake", etc.. etc..
Why after 14 weeks do I still find myself rationalizing smoking? There is NO good to come from having a smoke. NONE. Even if it would magically allow me to shed the 5 or so pounds that Ive gained... It's NO good.
So, Ive thought about smoking a little more lately. I even dreamed I smoked last night. In my dream, I had found out that my boyfriend was unfaithful... and my mom (of all people) gave me a cigarette to calm me. So bizarre.
Because of my recent thoughts, I think it's time to remind myself why I quit in the first place and what it has done for me ~

What Ive lost by quitting smoking:
1. That NASTY taste in my mouth
2. The stale smell of smoke in my hair and clothes
3. The wheeze in my lungs while running, biking, or having sex (a real turn on, Im sure)
4. Yellow fingernails
5. Sallow skin
6. A balcony cluttered with ashtrays, cigarette butts and empty Marlboro boxes
7. A car that REEKS of stale smoke
8. The anxious feeling that followed me everywhere that smoking was not allowed
9. Looking like a crackhead searching for their pipe while trying to find a place to light up in airports, restaurants, etc...

What Ive gained by quitting smoking
1. 5 or so pounds
2. Whiter teeth with fresher breath
3. Endurance while running, biking, and YES... in the sack ;)
4. A better singing voice (at least that's what I tell myself while belting out the Dixie Chicks alone in my car)
5. Healthier looking skin
6. The ability to make it through a dinner with friends without taking a smoke break between courses
7. A feeling of accomplishment and pride
8. Probably 15 years :)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Saturday, November 3, 2007

9 weeks and counting~

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I just got in from Shannon, Ireland. Spent a couple of days there... sleeping mostly. That's the hard part about this job. Somedays, you just HAVE to sleep. Apparently there isn't a whole lot to see there ~ excluding a few castles... and lots of green rolling hills. According to a local girl I met at the only restaurant in Shannon (outside of our hotel) I didn't miss much.
Our Hotel was pretty cool though. Really old-school Irish... And the air outside was absolute heaven to breathe. A welcome change from the contaminated air I breathe in Los Angeles.
The Oakwood Arms hotel...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Sooo... now I am in Teterboro, New Jersey. Slept sooo good last night in my king bed at my home sweet hotel ~ Hilton Hasbrouck Heights. We are technically on call today, but we have a trip tomorrow night. So, we will likey get the day to rest. Thank God. I feel like I am getting sick. I am in the middle of doing a cleanse (thought it would be good for me to expell the toxins accumulated through smoking, etc). And, I think it may be contributing to my not feeling so hot. Too bad. Sucks to feel like shit on the road.
Tomorrow we are off to London...well ~ we stay in Luton... our home away from home in England. And we are scheduled to be there for almost a week. Ughhh... England is expensive and Luton is incredibly boring. I spend a lot of money there because the only thing to do is hang out at the mall next to our hotel. Hmmm ~ well... maybe I'll get some Christmas shopping done.
I have adapted well to being a non-smoker. I dont even think about cigarettes anymore. Not really. Last night I had two drinks before turning in ... and was feeling quite buzzed with the jet lag and lack of sleep. Normally I would've been thinking, if not craving for a smoke. But... nothing. It feels sooooo good to be free!
Wow... I just remembered a dream I had last night ~ I smoked in it. Perhaps I do still think about it, if only on a subconscious level.
Buh - Bye... Im off to sip some Airborne.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

8 Weeks

I am very pleased that I am still smoke free... how ever... this weight gain thing is getting to me. Im sure Ive gained around 5 pounds... not much ~ but just enough to see/feel the difference in my clothes. I cant stand it.
I am VERY sensitive about this matter. It pisses me off because, I TOTALLY watch what I eat. I work out daily. I just started a 2 week cleanse, etc.. etc... etc...
I am trying to do all of the right things for my body and my body is not thanking me for it AT ALL. Not to mention, the cleanse has lead to a teenage flashback of adult-acne :( I feel disgusting.
So, I m pissed off.
I am currently ignoring the BF... who said to me "Baby... did you join the gym to get rid of the smoker-weight?" And then proceeded to not understand why that pissed me off. His reasoning "You're the one who said you gained weight..."
Sure I bitched about it a time or two over the last week or so... but, that does not give you the freedom to join in. It's the same principle as calling my mom a bitch.... I could do it ~ but you cant. She's MY moma. I can complain about her if I want. But, the minute you join in... I will defend her.
So.... like my moma taught me oh so long ago... if you have nothing nice to say... say nothing at all... seriously.

Friday, October 12, 2007

437 Cigarettes Not Smoked!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I read a pretty interesting article in one of my fitness magazines the other day. It was an attempt at encouraging women to stop smoking. My first thought was... why would THIS article be in THIS magazine? What woman is into her health so much so, that she purchases or subscribes to a fitness magazine, and yet smokes?

Hmmm ~ the embarrassed girl raising her hand in the back of the room is me.

I have always taken really good care of my body. I have been cautious of my eating. I have excersised regularly most of my life. I lift weights, spin, dabble in pilates and yoga. I am (until this recent job of mine) in the gym at least 4-5 days a week.
And being a half-a-pack-a-day smoker ~ I felt like such a hypocrite! I can recall circling the parking lot of my gym, so that I could finish my smoke. I also remember feeling really self conscious that others next to me could smell the smoke, nicotine and other disgusting toxins seeping from my skin along with my sweat. How thankful I am that I do not have to feel that shame any longer.

Sooo, onto the article...
*Did you know that women who light up lose an average of 15 years of life? So, if ones life expectancy is 75years ~ I would only make it to around 60? Yikes.
*Women run more than twice the risk of dying from lung cancer, compared with men.
*We all know that women who are pregnant and smoke put their unborn child at risk for low birth rate, pre-term birth, and sudden infant death syndrome. But, even more interesting ~ ladies... we need to be careful who we decide to procreate with... studies show that potential fathers may jeopardize the health of their future children every time they take a drag. A study in mice found that tobacco smoke could mutate genes in sperm cells, putting the offspring at risk for genetic disease.

So why do some, otherwise health-driven women, continue puffing away?
Two main reasons were given by FITNESS magazine... And, personally, I side with reason number one.

FIRST ~ Meal replacement. Nicotine is an appetite supressant. Scientifically, it has been proven that nicotine decreases ones craving/consumption of sweets/carbs. And women fear that if they quit smoking they will gain weight. Afterall, the tabacco industry has capatalized on this fact as far back as the 1920's using ad's to sell the message that smoking will keep you thin.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Lucky Strike Green: "AVOID THAT FUTURE SHADOW by refraining from overindulgence, if you would maintain the modern figure of fashion. We do not represent that smoking Lucky Strike cigarettes will bring modern figures or cause the reduction of flesh. We do declare that when tempted to do yourself too well, if you will "Reach for a Lucky" instead, you will thus avoid over-indulgence in things that cause excess weight and, by avoiding over-indulgence, maintain a modern, graceful form."

SECOND ~Girls and women are more likely to become addicted and remain dependant longer than men. WHY? Psychological factors, such as feeling a sense of comfort or relaxation may reinforce the smoking behavior in women. We are, afterall, emotional beings. But, I am not certain that this differs much from men. (I think they are just better at hiding it)

The good news is that WE CAN DO IT!!!! I am certain that I have gained a few pounds. And, I have noticed that my sweet tooth is a little harder to resist (although it's ALWAYS been there). But what's a few pounds when I get to enjoy...
*no coughing
*better breath
*yummy smelling hair
*cleaner lungs
*healthier heart
*higher oxygenation in my blood ='s better muscle building
*whiter teeth
*sparing my future children
*being a positive role model to my neices ad nephew
*becoming an inspiration to others who want to quit
*decreasing my risk of cancer, heart disease, stroke, etc, etc. etc....

Sooooo baby's got back.... and it's all good :)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

6 weeks!!!!!

Wow... 6 weeks... thats pretty amazing to me ~ it sure doesn't feel like that long ago that I smoked that final cigarette on my balcony. I am doing quite well with my quit. Sure, I think about a cigarette now and then. But, It's nothing I cant look passed. I am a NON-SMOKER now ... and saying that feels way to incredible to cave into some passing thought about a ciggy.

I arrived in Luton at about 1pm today after traveling all night. I came straight to my room and crashed, HARD. I slept for a good seven hours. Then I did a great little in-room-workout, nogged on some fruit, and tried (in vain) to find something worthwhile to veg out on the telly with. Brittish TV sucks. I have flipped past McGyver, Deep Space Nine, Muder She Wrote, and of course, the BBC. UGH! I have settled on a documentary (it apears) where two elementary school girls are currently beating the crap out of each other on the playground ~ fantastic!

My passenger was a very sweet man ~ guess he only plays a jerk on tv. I was "Lisa Darling" (insert Brittish accent) and he was kind, appreciative, and polite.

I was SUPER jazzed to find out that Saturday I will be flying into Florence, Italy for the night. It will be a quick trip, as we fly out the following day at noon ~ but I GET TO HAVE DINNER IN FLORENCE ON SATURDAY NIGHT :) Awesome! Italy has always been my dream destination... so I am super stoked! WOO HOO!