Argh!

Last night I went to a friend of a friend's 30th birthday party. To celebrate we were all asked to come in apparel ~ flashback ~ 1977. Hollywood hills, open bar, DJ, and disco ball... we danced, drank and had a great time. About 3 vodka tonics into my night... I decided I would probably smoke ~ and I felt OK with it. I had (somewhat) decided that the night was going to be a night of debauchery, one in which smoking would likely be a part of. One last 2007 "hoo-rah" ...
I found myself outside a number of times... watching my fellow smokers as they gathered around the fire pit or huddled near the heating lamps ~ sucking on their Parliments. I watched them with jealousy. Because, although I had decided that I would be joining them a few moments earlier, I just couldn't bring myself to do so.
And, do not be mistaken... I wanted to. I was taking it all in ~ the smell, the way they all looked, the social-connectedness between them. The fabulously thin, pretty, young Hollywood types ~ all playing the part of 1970's - Studio 54- disco queens, to a Tee.
I wanted to join in on their presumable ignorance... but, I couldn't. I just couldn't make the move. I could not, for some reason, bring myself to ask for one. WIERD!
And ~ THANK GAWD!
I woke up this am (head-achey, puffy, and dehydrated) and was soooooooooooooo thankful that I was not tasting the reminents of a Parliment light on my breath! WHEW!
Not sure what exactly kept me from caving in... especially since I had given myself permission to do so. But I am really happy that I didn't!

1970's Cigarette ad... sheeeez!

14 Weeks, Seriously?

Wow... time flies.
I cannot believe that it has been 14 weeks since I last smoked! My struggle still continues to come and go. I cant say that I CRAVE smoking, as I once did, however... I still think about it. In fact, on occasion (recently) I have thought about it more and more... thoughts like "just one wouldn't hurt", "who would know if I slipped... Im in Iceland for God's sake", etc.. etc..
Why after 14 weeks do I still find myself rationalizing smoking? There is NO good to come from having a smoke. NONE. Even if it would magically allow me to shed the 5 or so pounds that Ive gained... It's NO good.
So, Ive thought about smoking a little more lately. I even dreamed I smoked last night. In my dream, I had found out that my boyfriend was unfaithful... and my mom (of all people) gave me a cigarette to calm me. So bizarre.
Because of my recent thoughts, I think it's time to remind myself why I quit in the first place and what it has done for me ~

What Ive lost by quitting smoking:
1. That NASTY taste in my mouth
2. The stale smell of smoke in my hair and clothes
3. The wheeze in my lungs while running, biking, or having sex (a real turn on, Im sure)
4. Yellow fingernails
5. Sallow skin
6. A balcony cluttered with ashtrays, cigarette butts and empty Marlboro boxes
7. A car that REEKS of stale smoke
8. The anxious feeling that followed me everywhere that smoking was not allowed
9. Looking like a crackhead searching for their pipe while trying to find a place to light up in airports, restaurants, etc...

What Ive gained by quitting smoking
1. 5 or so pounds
2. Whiter teeth with fresher breath
3. Endurance while running, biking, and YES... in the sack ;)
4. A better singing voice (at least that's what I tell myself while belting out the Dixie Chicks alone in my car)
5. Healthier looking skin
6. The ability to make it through a dinner with friends without taking a smoke break between courses
7. A feeling of accomplishment and pride
8. Probably 15 years :)